rainbow or rollercoaster

i have experienced and borne witness to such an array of thinga today, and i don't know of it comes together and shines in all its difference or is just an overload and makes me nauseous. rainbow or rollercoaster. lol.

frustration, pride, wonder, nervousness, racism, vulnerability, anger, love, appreciation, hate, confusion, happiness, shock, comedy, betrayal, annoyance, creativity, peace, contentment, instability, boredom, laughter......

the whole human experience compressed into less than 24 hours !!!

what?

i'm trying to think about what i want to do with my life, where i want it to go. i'm trying to figure out what i want to achieve and produce and do.

i'm reading chimamanda ngozi adichie's the thing around your neck which is a book of short stories. i love it so far in all its delicate solidity. it's really inspiring me but i'm unsure of what to do about that.

i saw a girl on instagram who i used to talk to on the bus home from school and she's got a fashion blog and seems so content with what she does and how she does it. it's funny how what we interpret as success in others can make us feel useless. the thing is i don't feel useless i feel like i have many uses... but what are they?

i just want to spend some exploratory time with myself and the sources of inspiration i have in my books, magazines, the internet, my soul... maybe then i will find exactly what may deliver me from this spiritually stationary state.

(i offer this diarylike blogpost as a prayerful call to the universe, that it may respond to me with great and helpful signs and things) 

monday moodboard: i love my area edition 2

SHE DID NOT

REALISE THAT HER BUZZER

WAS BROKEN

UNTIL IT BROKE UP WITH HER

BY TEXT

wonderfull!

my life is going so gr8 rn omfg im lovin myself n feelin myself i can sense hella positivity n knowledge on the horizon of my life I CANT WAIT 2 SEE WHO I BEcome :):)

was gonna call this post what a wonderfull weekend but that wld b a lie cos 2day n yesterday never felt like the end of anythings not even beginnings like of a journey but like the foundation of something...?? like how these days were is how the rest will continue. i havent started something with the hope of acheiving anything... i can visualise what i mean!! lol :)

i can sense my excitement thru my words haha today was gr8 i went to a tabletop sale near my house in the cutest lil building w grafitti outside it had a tiny rickety fairy staircase handpainted doors cute signs everywhere ahhh im surprised by the magic i found there omfg: a £1 papyrus scroll (made in egyptian fashion), a £1 lampshade, a GLORIOUS £2 mirror, pretty £1 pencils (giving some as presents) & a £1.50 card for my uncle n his family (no pic)

i cant remember if ive mentioned i volunteer in a charity shop now but yeah thats where i headed after i bought my beauties:) it was fun today i laughed a lot with the other volunteers emine and iqra they have such special names ayyy n i used the card machine on the till quite adeptly if thats the word or aptly whatevr lool also the customers were 👌👌 my boss (2nd one since i started in september) is just a sweetiepiepie she let me have the 2 books i wanted for freeeee!!! that makes me so happy cos full price they total £16.98 and also omfg the books have so much to teach me i just know ahhh im excited my whole body is excited jfc

i came home had tuna sweetcorn mayonnaise pasta and basically ive been chillaxing doing nothing i went across the road quick n gave my familyfriend the clothes she washed n tumbledried at my  house we chatted chatted then i came home ate a mango now im gonna write in the diary i bought yesterday at the winter festival & market i went to w my youngest bro (i also bought a card for my aunty & earrings for meee (altogether £16 but the stallholders took off £1 for me n took a pic of me cos they like my style lol))

i made instagram yesterday haha it's abondance_

2m is the last of my mocks then me n my gurl r gonna go eat somewhere maybe nandos... cant wait for this term 2 end!!!

life is gud 😎

power

i have immense power. i have the ability to influence the flow of conversations and thus steer people's trains of thought. even if i am objective, observing, i may have stimulated ideas in a person's mind that they may harbour privately. i think one of the most beautiful aspects of people is our way of unknowingly leaving parts of ourselves to grow in different places and different people. sometimes these fragments blossom and flower. sometimes they don't. it's so mad. this realisation of my force is almost frightening. what can i do with it? change the world? hopefully. but changing the world is one complex concept cos change must first start within, then be externalised, gradually. that's probs the hardest part of it tho cos who wants to be patient when they're so conditioned to believe in immediacy as a measure of something's effectiveness...

monday moodboard: i love my area edition

monday moodboard